Bittersweet

We just received word that Jaime's grandmother passed away of natural causes at the age of 101. Although it was expected, and she lived a full life, it did not lessen the pain of the family. We were lucky to have had her for as long as we did. I was lucky to meet her and will cherish the memories of her at our wedding a couple of years ago.

This news came to us a couple of days after we learned that we may be carrying a baby affected by Thalasemia (a severe form of anemia)...

It seemed like the week could not get any worse. After her services on a cold, rainy day; we went to both get tested for the gene.

We learned a few days later that Jaime is not a carrier and therefore the baby would not be affected. We felt so much relief. I could rest a little easier knowing that the baby was not in danger of needing multiple blood transfusions or of a shortened life expectancy.

It made me think more and more about life and death. In one week, one life so central to the family - the matriarch of the Trejo family - passed away after over a century of love and memories. In the next, the little life inside of me reminds me that she will live on in her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. As I approach the age of 30, I am learning that life is precious. I am not invincible. The life I carry will also carry my memories after I pass away. It is up to me to ensure that she knows the history of both of our families and values just how important she is for just being who she is. I hope I can be as good a parent as my parents were to me and continue the legacy of our families.

Thala-WHAT?

Our second OB appointment. Jaime is running late and I see the Doctor without him. The Dr. begins to go over my prenatal screen blood work. I am negative for all STDs, diseases, I've been vaccinated against Rubella, etc, etc...

Then she tells me my red blood count is lower than average and that I am anemic and she would prefer that I have a hemoglobin test done sooner rather than later. Why I ask? She proceeds to tell me that based on my ethnicity (I am Filipina) that I am probably a carrier of Thalassemia. Thala-what? I ask her what that means... She tells me that since I am probably a carrier, and if my husband turns out to be a carrier, that DNA testing would then need to be done on the baby to determine if the baby was affected. I ask her what that looks like - if the baby were affected -- she tells me that it could mean multiple blood transfusions and a shortened life expectancy... I get all teary eyed and think I am going to lose it in the Dr's office. She realizes she was too forward and pulls back telling me that she has never seen a case that severe and that they are just being cautious.

In walks Jaime... she explains to him that he must also be tested. I then get to hear the baby's heartbeat and am instantly in love...again...

We get home and I lose it. I start crying. I felt so scared and helpless. Jaime tells me it's going to be okay... I hope it is...