The waiting game...

I have to be honest. I'm almost 39 weeks pregnant and SO ready for this baby to come out! I was lucky in that most of my pregnancy went pretty smoothly. Yes, we had our scares of weird diseases and 20+ vials of blood drawn, but other than that- the pregnancy has been a good one. I've also begun to have Braxton Hicks contractions which are false labor pains. They come and go and every time I think "Omigod. Is this it?" and every time I get fooled. :) I guess I'll just have to wait it out. My mom said that I was 1 week late so I'm thinking that's about how late I will be, too. I've started refusing the pelvic exam at the doctor because she says it is not a good indication as to when I may go into labor. I could be 2 cm dilated for weeks. Um, if that's the case I can do without someone's hands up my hoo-ha... LOL

The books say to use this time to 'nest' and get ready for the baby...but being a Type A personality, everything was done months ago... so that leaves me twiddling my thumbs until the baby arrives. I've tried to use this time to spend time with family and friends because I know once Elizabeth arrives it will be that much harder to spend time with others. I only hope that I can maintain my own identity as I become a mother. Although I've always wanted to be a 'mom' I don't want that to be what defines me. I want to still have my own likes, dislikes, interests and time to myself. Maybe that sounds really selfish, but I think my relationship with Elizabeth will be that much better if she sees a healthy woman role model who is not defined by her relationship with others but by what moves her inside.

So for the meantime, I'm going to re-read and re-read the baby books, do a last date night with the hubby, see friends and family and try to RELAX... which if you know me well, will be difficult for me...

Our Baby Shower

Ahh yes, the infamous baby shower. So much planning went into this shower. I am eternally grateful to my mom and friends (Jimena and Lisa) for hosting. It makes me feel so good to know that Elizabeth will have not only family who loves her, but close friends who she can look up to and depend on. With such strong women role models, I hope Elizabeth grows up like me - headstrong and bratty - someone who never takes no for an answer and someone who knows what she wants and goes and gets it. I don't want a "good girl" and although I adore her pink and white girly, frilly nursery - I want her to know that she does not have to be someone she does not want to be. She does not have to sacrifice herself for the sake of being that "good girl". If nice guys finish last - the same should apply to "good girls". She can be classy and well behaved, but know when to say "no" and stand up for her well being.

That being said, the shower was not without drama. Unfortunately some folks who shall remain nameless thought it was appropriate to show up to a family event very late, and very smashed... The next day, I wrote that person an email letting them know my sentiments and how disrespectful I believed they behaved and they had the nerve to try to put the blame on me just because we did not get along in the past. Luckily, I have a husband who stood up for me and told that person that (my husband) agreed with my feelings and agreed that that person was out of line and inappropriate not only in their behavior at our shower, but also in their very hurtful response to my email.

I guess the baby shower was a turning point for Jaime and I. It really hit us that we are going to be parents. There are going to be friends and family who are there for us and Elizabeth. And unfortunately there will be others who don't quite understand what it means to be married with a family. I guess it's part of growing up - and growing apart. Luckily we have plenty of close family and friends who understand what having a baby will mean to our lifestyle.

I love you preciosa...

I never knew I would love someone so much. And then I saw her. On 3D, waving her arms up and down, squirming around. I got really teary eyed. There was my baby girl. She use to seem so unreal. Not anymore. I love her now more than ever. I can't wait to hold her in my arms and tell her how much she means to me.

Jaime sits in amazement. We purposely don't look at each other, we just stare at the screen. I think we're both embarrassed at how much emotion there is written all over our faces for all to see. He loves her as much as I do. I can tell. I can't wait to see Jaime with her. He's going to be such a great dad.

Today is a happy day. Nausea, food poisoning, headaches, fevers, restless nights - they all mean nothing if in 4 1/2 months I can hold her in my arms.

I love you preciosa.

Food Poisoning!

Thursday Night:
9PM: I get home from work hungry. Don't want the fish Jaime cooked. I insist on a PB&J sandwich, which Jaime begrudgingly makes me..

Friday Morning:
6AM: Woke up throwing my guts up. Nasty. Text to my boss - "Working from home today".

9AM: Jaime is long gone to work. I get up and call my Dad. I ask him to get the dogs. He agrees and comes to pick them up and bring me Gatorade. I'm such a baby.

9:30AM: My dad comes with a new loaf of bread, cereal, and lots of Gatorade. He takes the dogs with him and tells me to call him if I need anything. I <3 my dad.

10AM: I eat 1/2 a banana.

11AM: Banana comes up. As does the Gatorade.

NOON: I call Jaime and tell him I think I"m dying. I ask him to come home. He agrees.

1-2PM: In and out of consciousness. Jaime gets home and makes me drink more. He sees that I'm sleeping and leaves me to rest.

2-5PM: Sleeping off and on, trying to drink Gatorade but sick to my stomach. This is the worst I have ever felt. Being pregnant isn't helping matters, either.

7PM: I give up. I call my OB. NO food, little fluids, fever and headache. This has to stop! I tell the nurse on call my fever is over 102 degrees and she tells me to come into the OB Triage unit at CPMC. I call my mom and tell her. She's still at work. After a 12 hour shift, she tells me she's coming to get me and bring me to the hospital.

8PM: My mom arrives and takes Jaime and I all the way to CPMC. I get admitted and they make me give urine and blood samples. They then stab me with a needle that hits my bone. It was difficult to find a vein because I was so dehydrated. I then realize that this is just the beginning. I am going to have to go through all of this - only 10x worse- in a few months. It scares me. Luckily the mean nurse that stabbed me with a needle is gone and I am left with a really sweet RN that holds my hand and asks me about our dogs as they take more blood and give me more fluids. Maybe I should call ahead and find out which RN is on duty before I go to the hospital. LOL.

11PM: I get released. My mom takes Jaime and I home. I am exhausted but forever grateful to my mom for taking care of me after working on her feet for 12 hours. A mother's love. They say that a mom loves her child even before the child is born. Sometimes even before they are conceived. I think this is true for my mom.

Bittersweet

We just received word that Jaime's grandmother passed away of natural causes at the age of 101. Although it was expected, and she lived a full life, it did not lessen the pain of the family. We were lucky to have had her for as long as we did. I was lucky to meet her and will cherish the memories of her at our wedding a couple of years ago.

This news came to us a couple of days after we learned that we may be carrying a baby affected by Thalasemia (a severe form of anemia)...

It seemed like the week could not get any worse. After her services on a cold, rainy day; we went to both get tested for the gene.

We learned a few days later that Jaime is not a carrier and therefore the baby would not be affected. We felt so much relief. I could rest a little easier knowing that the baby was not in danger of needing multiple blood transfusions or of a shortened life expectancy.

It made me think more and more about life and death. In one week, one life so central to the family - the matriarch of the Trejo family - passed away after over a century of love and memories. In the next, the little life inside of me reminds me that she will live on in her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. As I approach the age of 30, I am learning that life is precious. I am not invincible. The life I carry will also carry my memories after I pass away. It is up to me to ensure that she knows the history of both of our families and values just how important she is for just being who she is. I hope I can be as good a parent as my parents were to me and continue the legacy of our families.

Thala-WHAT?

Our second OB appointment. Jaime is running late and I see the Doctor without him. The Dr. begins to go over my prenatal screen blood work. I am negative for all STDs, diseases, I've been vaccinated against Rubella, etc, etc...

Then she tells me my red blood count is lower than average and that I am anemic and she would prefer that I have a hemoglobin test done sooner rather than later. Why I ask? She proceeds to tell me that based on my ethnicity (I am Filipina) that I am probably a carrier of Thalassemia. Thala-what? I ask her what that means... She tells me that since I am probably a carrier, and if my husband turns out to be a carrier, that DNA testing would then need to be done on the baby to determine if the baby was affected. I ask her what that looks like - if the baby were affected -- she tells me that it could mean multiple blood transfusions and a shortened life expectancy... I get all teary eyed and think I am going to lose it in the Dr's office. She realizes she was too forward and pulls back telling me that she has never seen a case that severe and that they are just being cautious.

In walks Jaime... she explains to him that he must also be tested. I then get to hear the baby's heartbeat and am instantly in love...again...

We get home and I lose it. I start crying. I felt so scared and helpless. Jaime tells me it's going to be okay... I hope it is...

Our First OB Appointment

December 22, 2009 - San Francisco, California

Jaime and I have decided to go with Dr. Meister at California Pacific Medical Center. CPMC is known as being the best birthing center in San Francisco and specializes in high risk pregnancies. I am a low risk pregnancy, but every mother wants the best for her baby.

My father is kind enough to drop me off at CPMC where Jaime is waiting for me in the reception area. We go in and the doctor goes through family history, nutrition, questions/concerns, and we have a lengthy discussion about H1N1 vaccinations and finally agree that I should be vaccinated. Also, the doctor notices that I have lost some weight and we discuss how I might be able to put those pounds back on during the second trimester.

The doctor then performs an ultrasound and we see the baby jerk in movement. The baby then turns and we see the heartbeat. Jaime leans in closer to get a better look and we are AMAZED. I almost cried. I felt so relieved to see the heartbeat. The Dr. also confirmed that the gestational age is on target at 9 weeks and that my due date would remain the same - July 27, 2010. At 9 weeks, the doctor says I have a 5% chance of miscarriage as opposed to 20% just one week earlier. I feel some sense of relief, but know that the worrier in me will continue until I hold my little girl in my arms (yes, I am convinced it is a girl!)